You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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