I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
