i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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