I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
