We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
