Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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