you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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