i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
