Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
