This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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