I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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