i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
