I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
