The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
