it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
