wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
