you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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