I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
