he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
