I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
