why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
