Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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