I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
