If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
