No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
