Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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