I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
