Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
