ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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