The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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