Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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