If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
