First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
