he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
