So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
