Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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