I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
