yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
