So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
