Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
