I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
