I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
