Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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