I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
