He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
