I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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