Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
