Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
