last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
