I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
